CSA Heartbeats

1. How is fear controlling my life, paralyzing me, preventing me from living more fully, more freely, more as the person God wants me to be?
2. What story am I telling myself that gives fear so much power?
3. How can I allow Love to lead me in the dance of my life?

One Day's Dancing by Peg Spindler, CSA
Fear hides behind my tree,
whispering to my leaves, “There is
no purpose in your falling,” and
they cannot let go easily.

fear floods my hungry heart,
sucking the blood of my courage
‘til my dreams find no action
to birth them.

Fear stays the hand of my watch,
convincing me there is tomorrow,
and loving passes someone by;
living full is emptied out.

Fear rasps my feeble voicing,
erasing the syllables that speak
my conviction-and the word 
is not made flesh.

Fear crinkles my eyes shut,
darkening the path that was calling,
forcing me to grope for security instead—
stopped dead in my tracks.

Fears shrinks the fabric of my Self,
leaving me unraveled to “not enough”
and trying frantically
to weave more me.

But fear is afraid itself—
Afraid I might let my leaves go anyway,
Afraid I might bleed to birth my dreams,
Afraid I might know the hands of my watch move one hour at a time,
Afraid I will stammer my truth in other ways,
Afraid I will stumble on in the shadows,
Having found the Light within, and 
Afraid I could end the panicked weaving to dwell in each moment’s sufficiency.

On the best of days, frear and Love dance tentatively together.
I pray—today—Love takes the lead.

This Advent reflection series was shared with permission from its anonymous original creator. The CSA Associates offered a live reflection service for sisters and other associates on the first Sunday of Advent. Enjoy this reflection as part of your personal Advent contemplation.