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This article appears in the February Issue of Reflections and Connections

 CSA Associate Kathy Koepsell was once on a path to becoming a vowed member of CSA. She felt a call that needed to be answered and religious life felt like the right response. She loved the aspirancy, where one hundred girls lived together and learned responsibility, independence, and how to manage time and studies with a scheduled prayer life. It was a different life than that of the average high school girl. As a postulant, she learned about the community, was involved in faith-sharing, and never felt she was giving up anything but rather looked at what she was gaining.

As a junior novice, Kathy questioned whether religious life was right for her. One day, while hearing the voices of children, she felt how much they filled her heart with joy. Was she being called to be a physical mother versus a spiritual one? She always had a desire to have children which would be hard to surrender. During a retreat, Kathy felt she was being called away from religious life. It was hard to embrace, yet she felt that message needed to be explored. 

Her decision to leave religious life brought an inner peace that reassured her leaving was the right choice. However, the pull of religious life and Kathy’s love of community and praying together lingered. Why wasn't she being called to something for which she felt such love? “It was difficult to see classmates move on to something which I had wanted so strongly. Religious life is beautiful, and it was hard not to keep running after that.” The old vision she held for her life and God's plan for her life were not the same. Eventually Kathy discerned a call to associate relationship.

Why is one called in one direction but not another? Why do we sometimes feel drawn by that to which we’re not really called? While participating in retreats, finishing college, and praying with scripture daily, it became clear God was leading Kathy to a new direction. “I reached an actual letting go and acceptance that this is God's call, not mine. Whether we are lay people or vowed, we are called to live the mission of Jesus through our baptismal call.”

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